“Parental love is the only love that is truly
selfless, unconditional and forgiving”. –Dr. Thye Poh Chia (b.1941)
In today’s technology-driven, self-centric world, this
topic may assume some importance for sustaining
humanity. I’m fortunate to have been born in a
family that was mainly driven by duty and values. It
is difficult to teach, especially the young ones, the
concepts of duty and values. In my growing years, I
had never bothered to understand these concepts.
However, during my student years, despite all the
distractions, I always ensured that I performed well
in my academics and undertook a few household
chores as and when needed, without any pressures.
I’m doubly fortunate for having born in a family that
was living in their ancestral home. As I continue to
live in a house where three generations of my
ancestors lived, I realize its role in developing the concept of responsibility in me. I managed to modify the ancestral home in instalments, spread over almost twenty-two
years, not just for our comfortable living, but for the benefit of my future generation.
This long process taught me the concepts of preservation and development through
patience and perseverance.
While I was a student of sixth semester Electronics Engineering (1971), my elder sister’s
marriage alliance was finalised. The wedding was to take to place sometime in the end
of May or early June, as we—myself and my two younger siblings—had our public
examinations during April. Suddenly sometime during early April, a few relatives of the
bridegroom dropped into our home, requesting my parents to perform the wedding as
early as possible because the groom’s mother had suffered a heart-attack and was
admitted to hospital. The elderly lady wanted to see her son married as early as
possible! My father tried his best to raise funds for the wedding from a few of our close relatives, without much luck. He didn’t have any other option but to sell the backyard of
our house measuring about thirty percent of the area of the site. There wasn’t enough
time to fix a marriage hall and the wedding was performed in our ancestral home.
Three of us, the bride’s siblings, were busy writing examinations on the day of wedding
and hence could not attend it!
The toilet and out-house were situated in the backyard of the house, which was sold, so
the first instalment of modification that I undertook for my ancestral home was to build
a toilet and a sump in the space that was available and shift the sewage line from the
back of the house to the front (June 1971). The total project cost was around two
thousand rupees and it took almost a month for completion. As my father had sold the
site out of desperation for a throw-away price, the buyer did not have any problem in
giving us six months time to hand over possession.
The rear portion of our ancestral house had been let out, and having sold the backyard,
we got the tenant vacated. To make good for the rent that we were no longer receiving,
I took up modification of two rooms in the front of the house facing the main road,
converting them into shops for letting out (January 1973). Within three years, one of the
shops wanted to expand its business and needed more space in the ground floor, so I
took up construction of additional space on the first floor to make good for the space
let out for expansion. When the additional space on the first floor was completed it was
the centenary year of the purchase of our ancestral home (1977). This was celebrated
along with the sixtieth birthday of my father.
Sometime during end of 1979, Smt. Malathi
Rangaswamy approached my parents to
propose her daughter Hema in marriage to me.
Before that several parents had approached my
parents for the same purpose. However, during
most of 1974-79 I was part-time student apart
from being full-time Research & Development
(R&D) engineer at Indian Telephone Industries
Limited (ITI). There was no possibility of my agreeing for marriage. By 1979, not only
had I completed a couple of diplomas and a post-graduate degree, but established a
part-time venture also.
After having a chat with Hema a couple of times, I
found her complimenting my nature in several
aspects. With both our personal and family values
aligning, we did not waste too much of time in
deciding to come together in life. During first three
years of marriage, we travelled across India a few
times and once abroad before settling down in life.
Hari, our first son was born in 1984 and brought
lot of cheer in the family as he was the first child belonging to fifth generation. When he
was born Hema’s maternal great-grandfather, Nadipuram Rangaswamy (1886–1985)
was alive. By the time our second son Ram was born (1986), I had resigned from ITI to
become a full-fledged entrepreneur.
As I required more space for my home-office, during 1987 I took up further
construction on the first floor, which called for demolition of old ground floor. It is
during this construction, we found a well while digging for laying foundation. It was a
great boon, as my family struggled with water shortage issues for decades! Today, we
have water from three sources – the City Corporation, the well, and through rainwater
harvesting.
By 1992 we managed to get admission to both the
children in the same school, which was about four
kilometres away from home. Around the same time I
got the rest of the house modified. As my father
(1989) and father-in-law (1994) had passed away, my
mother living abroad with my brother, and Ram
requiring more attention to get used to society, I had to come out of my business
ventures. I shifted to a rented house close to the school for one year (1996) to enable
Ram to spend more time with his peer.
While Ram required more attention, Hari could take
decisions for himself by the time he entered high
school and did not like much interference. With Hema
being busy with her college responsibilities and music
classes, I had dual responsibilities of ensuring my
mother and mother-in-law enjoyed their role as grandmothers and at the same time,
children grew up with values and gain confidence to become responsible for their own
lives. Being born to parents who were mostly duty bound and hence spent most of their time
in daily chores, I enjoyed total freedom during my growing years. However, I also
became conscious about my responsibilities early in my life. This helped me greatly
when I became a parent. Hema, though silent most of the time, played a major role in
the parenting process.
May 15, 2019 | Ravi 15
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