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LEARNING RESILIENCE FROM MY OFFSPRING

 

Resilience is a process of adjusting to adversity in the healthiest way possible. 

Stephanie Parmely (b.1974, Psychologist, USA)

Resilience is often defined as the mental reservoir of strength that helps people handle stress and hardship. While I was busy as an entrepreneur, sometime during June 1992 I had to undergo a major dental treatment. Around the same time, part of our ancestral home was undergoing modification. My mother too had gone abroad[1] to live with my only brother who was a bachelor and my wife Hema was continuing with her teaching job in a Junior College for women. It was around this time, that I had observed, our second son Ram was not able to communicate comfortably for his age (five years) with people in general and his peers in particular. He was even not interested in going to school, but mostly enjoyed riding his tricycle or playing with toy cars.

We fortunately found one Child Psychiatrist who had established her practice nearby to our home just a few months ago and hence, decided to take Ram to her. She gave him a few tests and diagnosed that he had difficulty in learning language[2] and said that he would need constant support till the time he picks up the required knowledge and skills to comfortably connect with people. She also had suggested that it’d be better to admit him to a regular school, rather than a special school. As search engine was not in vogue, I did not know much about dyslexia then.

Fortunately for us Late Sunanda Naganand, then Principal of Sishu Griha, where our elder son Hari was already a student, being a compassionate woman that she was, admitted Ram to Upper Kinder Garden (UKG) in her school after I mentioned to her about Ram’s difficulty and the suggestion that was given by the Child Psychiatrist. Ram did find it very difficult to get along with his classmates as well as his teacher. Also unfortunately he could not express his feelings to us because of his limitation with communication. Though Ram had difficulty in talking, he had good memory, high in moral values and was very obedient. He showed a lot of resilience as far as his behaviour and studies were concerned and worked hard with his mother who herself was a teacher. To relieve his stress, sometimes I used to drive him to school as he loved going out in car. But, I made it a point to send him by bus mostly, though he hated it, so that he gets used to being with people. After he entered high school I bought him a cycle and he learnt riding it with some difficulty. Though he even went to school cycling a few times, he decided to go by bus itself, as cycling four Kilometres either way required physical efforts, which he did not enjoy.

As Ram grew up, he got interested in watching cricket and tennis matches on Television with great intensity. He learnt rules of the game by watching these matches. Hence, I sometimes used the games to teach some of the skills that are essential for life. Hema worked very closely with Ram during his entire schooling on the academic front to ensure that he comfortably passed his Tenth Standard Board examination. To our pleasant surprise Ram passed in flying colours, securing Eighty seven percent! If we had produced a certificate from a practising psychologist that Ram had dyslexia, he’d have got exemption from Hindi, which he found very difficult. But neither Hema nor Ram gave up and decided to go through taking up Hindi also in the Board exams. Ram scored over eighty which even surprised his Hindi teacher!

It is in these challenging times, when it’s most important to step back and find workable solutions, many counterintuitively look for shortcuts. This quest for instant success/quick solution overlooks the reality of hard work, perseverance, and time required for true accomplishment!

Though Ram had enough marks to join Engineering course, he decided to take up Commerce stream (Accountancy, Business Studies, Business Maths and Statistics) in Pre-University and he could easily get admission in Christ College. Though initially he found it difficult to travel to Christ College as there was no direct bus, he managed to find alternate routes to reach college in time. It was during this time, I taught him to ride Moped[3] so that he can learn to commute independently. As he was very much interested from childhood in riding, I got him a motorbike after he completed his graduation. Subsequently, he learnt many aspects of life through his riding experiences. 

During the final semester of his graduate programme, as part of Campus Placement, Ram wrote competitive tests and faced interviews. He was successful in getting appointment letters from three corporates, mainly in the Business Process Outsourcing (BPO) space. Instead of taking up the job, I suggested him to take up Common Proficiency Test (CPT), the first level test for Chartered Accountancy examination, on passing which he can undergo three and half years of internship with a practising Chartered Accountant (CA), as this would help him to understand work related skills as well as application of some of the theoretical concepts to work situations. 

Having got through CPT in his first attempt, Ram joined a CA firm, but found it difficult to cope up with work, getting along with his supervisor and other interns apart from studies. Again to relieve his stress, I taught him to drive car and used every opportunity to make him drive as he loved driving. It was during his internship, both I and Hema had to undergo major surgeries and being a sensitive person that he was, Ram got very much disturbed. It was only because of his obedient nature and values, he was resilient enough to complete his internship. 

Over the last few years Ram has picked up his language skills not only in English, but in Kannada and Tamil as well. He enjoyed being the Master of Ceremony on the occasion of his mother’s Sixtieth birthday get-together for which over one hundred friends and relatives had gathered. 

It is said, that resilience is a skill that one develops over time from the lessons and experiences that he / she absorbs while growing up facing challenges. Ram has worked his ways to overcome many of his difficulties both in Social Cognitive Learning and Career orientation that are very much essential today to lead an independent life. Given the difficulties that Ram faced in learning throughout his academic journey and internship, his saga is a remarkable story of resilience!

[1] My brother was employed as Computer Advisor (IBM Main-frame) to the President of a small island nation, Nauru during 1990-95. 

[2] In early childhood, symptoms that correlate with a later diagnosis of dyslexia include delayed onset of speech and a lack of phonological awareness. The concept of “word-blindness” (German: “wortblindheit”), as an isolated condition, was first developed by the German physician Adolph Kussmaul in in 1877.

[3] Moped is defined either a pedal bicycle with a helper motor or non-pedal bicycle with a motor, which has automatic transmission and a cylinder capacity of no more than 50 Cubic Centimeters.

December 23, 2024 | Ravi 94 

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