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LEARNING PATIENCE FROM LIFE PARTNER

 

Patience attracts happiness; it brings near that which is far.

Swahili Proverb

I can never forget 29th May 1980, a Thursday for a long time in my life! I got married to Hema on 2nd May. We could plan our honey-moon trip only during 19-25 May due to a few work commitments[1] that I had, though Hema, then working as a lecturer in a college had her vacation. On our return from the honey-moon, members of my magazine group (six of us were sharing subscription of a few English magazines), wanted to host a party to me and Hema to celebrate privately the occasion of our marriage. It was decided that we meet on 29th May at Hotel East West (presently Taj Gateway) over dinner (ITI worked for only half-a-day on Thursdays then). My parents had just returned that morning from Chennai after visiting ailing Ramasawmi (1899- 1980), my father’s only sister’s husband. Around 4.00 PM, I received a phone call from my cousin Nagarajan, third son of Ramasawmi that his father had passed away in the afternoon. I had to quickly take a couple of actions: 

1. I had to cancel the dinner programme and hence, rang up one of my colleagues to inform that we will not be able to attend the evening party.

2. I had to arrange sending my father and cousin Hemalatha (daughter of Ramasawmi) to Chennai at the earliest. I requested my good friend and colleague Subbu to go over to airport (the old airport was only five Kilometres from my home) and purchase two tickets to Chennai. I requested my wife Hema to escort my father to airport by auto, by which time I decided to go over to Basavangudi (about nine Kilometres from my home) to pick up my cousin and bring her to the airport by car.

We could see off my father and cousin in time to Chennai and returned home by 8.00 PM. It was only while returning I realised the fact that how quickly Hema had acted without any hesitation to accompany my father to the airport and put him at ease (my father was traveling for the first time by air) in such a situation, though she had moved into our house just a few days back after our marriage. It was the first lesson of patience that I learnt from Hema.

Hema (b.1957) was born in Bombay (present Mumbai), as her maternal grand-father was then employed with Mahindra Group. Though initially she was brought up in Mysore as her father was employed there with the department of education, since 1961 she grew up at Bangalore in her grand-parents’ home. She had all her education up to M.Sc. within in a radius of five Kilometres from her home. On completion of her post-graduation, she got the dream job of her choice – teaching young girls, that too in the same institution where she was a student!

Hema is an ardent lover of music and has been bestowed with a melodious voice. She is a good example for ‘being more patient supports long-term goal achievement’. Though she was employed as a full-time lecturer and had to take care family chores, she continued her music classes after giving birth to our two sons and they started attending school, till she completed her Senior in Veena[2] (2006) and Proficiency (Vidhushi) in Carnatic vocal (2010)! As there was no prescribed books for Proficiency she prepared voluminous notes by meeting a few experts.

For various reasons I took up modification of our ancestral home now and then[3] and hence had to shift within Bangalore on several occasions over thirty five years, including the one in the recent past after Hema recovering from a major surgery. On all these occasions Hema worked patiently in packing, unpacking and arranging all the house-hold and her personal items without showing an iota of irritation! Perhaps, patience boosts self-control and self-compassion!

Apart from her full-time job, family responsibilities and music classes Hema also ventured into writing Statistics book for first and second Pre-University students. She spent long hours to sit with data-entry operators and publisher to ensure perfection. She also wrote a couple of more books reminiscing her life when she turned sixty (2017) and another one after she underwent a major surgery (2023). Our son Hari and I always gave our manuscripts to Hema for editing. By default she had become our family editor!

Being a member of Rotary International since 1988, I initiated establishing Inner Wheel Club (IWC), Women’s wing of Rotary, during my term as President of my home club during 2000-1. Sometime during 2003 I had suggested Hema to become President of IWC as our two sons by then were college students and they were quite independent. Though she was initially reluctant, she took up the responsibility during 2004-5 and completed successfully her term as President of IWC by implementing several community projects as well as publishing a booklet – Home Remedies towards end of her term! 

Since the time of our marriage, someone or the other in our family had a health setback including Hema herself on a few occasions. I recall a situation during October 1999 when I was busy with an International customer from Australia, Hema was attending to my ailing brother who was suffering from Stage IV oesophagus/stomach cancer. As two units of blood was urgently needed, Hema rushed to Rotary TTK Blood bank[4] in Jeevan Bhima Nagar (9 Kms from the hospital) as we had done several Blood donation camps through Rotary platform. Unfortunately they did not have stock and the staff there spoke to Bangalore Kidney Foundation[5] (BKF) to reserve two units of blood and requested Hema to collect from there. It was already late in the night and Hema drove all the way to BKF, situated some 12 Kms away (there was no GPS those days!) and managed to collect the blood. Unfortunately my brother survived only a few more days after that. It was indeed Hema, who was by the side of my brother on that fateful early morning of 2nd November 1999! Whether as a Care-giver or as a patient, Hema had never lost her patience even once over the last forty four years! 

To summarise, Hema has practiced mindfulness and acceptance to the hilt and has shown her gratitude for whatever support that she had received. Perhaps, patience is the reason for her satisfaction and happiness!

[1] I was employed with Indian Telephone Industries Limited (ITI) as an Executive Engineer in the Research & Development department.

[2] Veena is any of Chordophone instruments of India. There are four levels in music to pass to become proficient – Junior, Senior, Pre-Proficiency and Proficiency.

[3] The actual number of times that our ancestral home had undergone modifications during 1971-2014 is covered in my book, Home Sweet Home.

[4] https://www.bmstindia.org/rotary-ttk-blood-bank

[5] https://www.bkfindia.in

December 14, 2024 | Ravi 93 

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